Having children and maintaining sanity in your relationship is really hard and I am failing pretty miserably at the moment. At the end of the day there just isn't enough energy left in me to give to anyone else. And it just feels bad.Josh got home from his business trip on Friday morning and I was brutally reminded of the negotiation game. Everything becomes a battle of wills. Who will take care of the children? Who will change the next soiled diaper? Who will go to the crying baby in the middle of the night? They all become a silent standoff and a game of "Who is most tired?" or "Who is most DESERVING?" So we both become martyrs. If he says he is tired, I explain why I am REALLY tired. If he complains about having been in the airport all night, I say "Well at least you didn't have any children hanging off of you". It is an endless process, with never a victor. I know as it is going on that I should be above it, that I should not engage in this one upmanship. But I do. And then hate the taste in my mouth afterwards. And I don't know where to go from here. Actually, I am too damn tired to do what needs to be done. To talk it through and find a better way. I know we will at some point. I know we will get out of this place we are in. The kids will grow and become more independent, leaving space for us again. But right now that feels so far off and meanwhile the battle ensues.