I Fought The Law and Guess Who Won?

I have been driving for about 26 years (rest your brain, no need to do the math--I am 42). In that time I have never had a speeding ticket etc. Until I came to Texas that is. In the last two years I have been a beacon for driving issues.First I get pulled over on the way home from San Antonio (after a shooting a wedding) for speeding, but I get off with a warning. Then I go back to California and get a ticket for taking a left turn at 8:25 on a Monday morning. Apparently there is a little sign that says you cannot take a left on Mondays between 8 and 8:30 am. Can you BELIEVE that? I get a ticket. I promptly forget about it. Back in Texas I lose my wallet with my California license in it. Then it expires. I try to get a Texas license. I go through the initial pass through at the DMV, wait two hours and am then told I need a current passport. I order a passport, it takes two months. I go back to the DMV. They tell me I cannot get a license because California has suspended mine for not appearing for that turning left ticket. I pay the state of California $500 to strike that off my record. I go back to the Texas DMV and take the written test which I barely pass because I am unsure if you get your license suspended for 120-180 days or 180-240 days for your first incident of drunk driving. They tell me to come back the next day to take the driving test. I do. I wait in line. Five minutes after they open they tell me all the driving test spots are full. I come back the next morning one and a half hours before they open at 6:30am. By the time they open the doors there are over sixty people in the queue. I luckily get a spot and then drive around the corner four times and pass the test. So I figure I am DONE with the driving bureaucracy. I thought wrong. I was driving back from a networking thing the other night and I got pulled over. My lights were not on. I am daft, but I think I will just get a warning. Then I turn the lights on and she says that my front right headlight is out. Again I am daft, but I think I will just get a warning. Then she notices my registration has lapsed. I am daft and I am screwed and EXHAUSTED.