I had to go shopping for something to wear to my high school reunion, since I have no clothes that fit me anymore, with the exception of maternity pants and that's just too damned depressing. So I went to my favorite store where everybody knows my name and that is Target. After Ben was born I would get so lonely and bored that I would go to Target practically every day just to get out of the house. Outside of the womb I think it is Ben's favorite comfort place to be. The fluorescent lighting and smell of stale, greasy snack food will probably be his first memory. So I start with the larger sized pants because I know that I do not want to set myself up for disappointment. I figure that I will be safe and go with the biggest size I could be and one down from there. I quickly discover that I am TOO FAT for the BIGGEST SIZE I COULD BE. I brace myself. It took every ounce of strength I had not to go directly to the ice cream and chocolate isle and drown my self-disgust in ten pounds of sugar. I reminded myself that this was how I got in this mess in the first place. The big size was slightly too tight so I just went to the rack and bought the next size up without trying them on. I put them in my cart and told myself that if these did not fit, I just wasn't going to the damn reunion.
The other day I was reading one of my new favorite blogs, which is Suburban Bliss. She was writing about body issues and I really related to a great deal of what she said as did many other readers according to her comments. Now, I realize body image issues affect many women (and men) and that whether you are a size 2 or 22 is irrelevant. The mind is a powerful thing. But after I read the above mentioned entry I looked through her photo album. And I gasped. This woman is THIN! I felt so betrayed. It was like finding out that Laurie Notaro is thin and I swear to God if she is, I am going to kill someone.
So today I tried the pants on and they fit. So I guess I have to go to the reunion. But I will go to my grave before I tell ANYONE what size they are.