To Sam on His First Birthday

Dear Sam:I realize that your birthday was over a month ago, but I have not had a chance to write this until now. The photos, however were taken on September 6th, your actual birthday. I cannot believe that you are already one year old. Just yesterday you were an itty bit. Everyday you are becoming more and more your own person. You are truly an amazing child. You have so many little habits. You are a classic thumb sucker and you can crawl up a storm. When you are really excited you do a little crawling dance as you start to do your take-off. You love to crawl up the stairs over and over again. You are afraid when I try to teach you how to go down them and the other day you did manage to fall down them the ONE time I had the baby gate down. I was so scared, but you just cried for about 30 seconds and then spent the next 30 minutes sucking your thumb and lying on my chest. It was definitely one of those moments when I was glad your dad used to be an EMT and could talk me out of my panic. I expect that you will be walking soon and then we will really be in big trouble. It is hard to be the second child, but you handle it with style. If you cry and your needs are not met right away, you just cry louder. Smart boy. You are incredibly curious. Everything demands a touch and a trip into your little mouth. If it meets with your approval at that stage then it needs to take a few spins around the room, while still in your mouth. Then it needs to be banged on the table a few times to see what sound it makes. You are also highly independent. You won't let me feed you because you want to do it yourself. You with a spoon and a container of yogurt make for some crazy kitchen art. You don't want to sit still for even a quick diaper change. It has become a crazy sport just to get a dirty diaper off of you. You are so like and unlike your brother at the same time. You think that the sun rises and sets with Ben. Every morning when we drive to school you and Ben laugh almost the whole way there. The sound is like music to me (at least for the first ten minutes). Sometimes when I pick you up at school, I see that you are happily playing, before you have a chance to see me. But once you see me you cry and reach for me as if you have been saving up all of your fears and unhappiness until you could see me or your dad again. You laugh when I throw you up in the air and clap your hands when I sing. When you smile it lights up the room so that I am almost blinded by my love for you. I am often plagued by doubt about the things I do and the directions I take in life. But you and your brother are the two things of which I am the most proud. You are two people that I cannot believe came from me. I am flawed, but you, my dear, are perfect. Simply perfect. Love, Mommy