Yesterday I met with my mother's group. I always hate going out to see people when I am feeling irritable. Irritability is a symptom and side effect of my depression that I particularly abhor. Not only does it make me difficult and no fun to be around, but it also makes me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. So I had a bad feeling about being in a group of women today. As we started to 'share' I tried to keep to myself and keep quiet. I knew that anything that came out of my mouth would come to no good. But of course I could not keep my big mouth shut. I have NEVER been able to keep my big mouth shut. My ex-husband used to say to me "Bonnie. [long pause] Life is not a monologue." Well no shit Sherlock! So after listening to talk about sleep training and pumping I basically asked when we were going to talk about something 'real'. What a fucking idiot! I just couldn't keep it to myself.
I have always had a problem with small talk. I suck at cocktail parties. People ask questions about what I do, where I'm from, etc. Suddenly I am launching into how I was adopted or I ask them some incredibly personal question. I can't help myself. It's not that I want to put people on the spot or make them uncomfortable. I am GENUINELY interested in people's lives. Not where they live or what they do to pay their rent, but the real nitty-gritty. But some people have boundaries (unlike yours truly) and I need to respect those boundaries. But shit people, when are we going to talk about something INTERESTING and REAL? This is one of the many reasons I love blogs. People put it all out there on the line. Something about the internet allows people to bare their deepest secrets and damn if that's not interesting.
So keep it up people. Keep it real.