How are you with money? Are you frugal, a spendthrift, do you hoard or do you go on sprees—or are you somewhere in the middle? I know that money, like sex and religion, is one of those things we are never supposed to talk about. I used to get in trouble for it as a kid from my mom. For talking about it. What I find hysterical in hindsight is that one of her friends who ratted me out, was richer than sin. What I also find funny is that of all of my family, I give the least amount of importance to it and its inherent value, yet I am the one "overly preoccupied by it". Once again, in hindsight, I was probably just curious about it. Especially since no one ever talked about it. Ever. In my family, even though we never talked about it, it was obvious that money was incredibly important. It was everything. Perhaps that comes from parents who had little growing up, I am not sure. But it was obvious to me from a young age that money was the benchmark I would always be judged against. And I came out wanting. I have always been bad with money. I have always found it to be lacking as a judge of one's success, abilities and character. I have always been disdainful of it in a way that only those who grew up with plenty of it are afforded. Society has historically not rewarded those people I find to be of high value with much money at all and those it has favored with gigantic paychecks are, well shall we say, lacking. Just saying the name 'Kardashian' pretty much sums up my opinion of society's misplacement of its riches.
So when I went to this business workshop in Portland it was hard for me to talk about money and business. As Kristen said, I have a "money allergy". Years ago I saw a financial adviser who talked a great deal about my family's history with money because she believes that we take our ideals about money from our family's experience and reactions to it. I thought it was an interesting perspective—financial planning as therapy. But I never got as many answers from it as I wished, nor did I change my bad habits.
I have no great conclusions or snappy endings for this post. I struggle with money. I let it control me rather than vice versa. I spend it when I have it, on books more often than designer clothing. Okay I never buy designer clothing, I shop at Target, but I do have expensive taste in hair products. Hey at least it's not cocaine.