The Pump

I will finally admit it publicly here. I do not like breast feeding. There. I have said it. Its allure goes right over my head. I nursed Ben for nine months and am nursing Sam as well and I have to say that there is nothing I like about it. I know, I know. I can feel the stones being lodged at me right now. But it hurts. It hurts my back, my neck, my boobs and I have this thing about other living creatures being dependent on me for little things much less for something as important as FOOD. Now before y'all start yelling at me I want to say that I am happy for everyone who loves it and who finds it a bonding experience, yada, yada. I am just not one of them.So with Sam I have started pumping a lot more so that I can have a little more freedom and a little less backache. What cracks me up about the pump is that the sound amplifies whatever is in your head. The other day I kept saying J. Lo over and over again in my head. God knows why I was thinking of Jennifer Lopez, but it fit the beat so perfectly. J-LO J-LO J-LO. When Sam hears the pump he starts stirring from his sleep of the dead as if to say "Oh...dinner is being prepared. Best get up now". Or maybe he thinks Jennifer Lopez is in the room pumping milk for him. Hell we'd all get up for that.

Visit

_MG_4733.jpgMy parents were here for a week and they were a HUGE help. They finished unpacking all of our boxes as well as a million other little errands that we would never get around to doing and mom cooked and they spent quality time with the boys. It's like they're six people instead of only two.
We miss them already.

Salt Lick

My parents are here helping out and they are once again kicking some butt. They are almost 70 years old and they run circles around me. I am exhausted. But man are they getting stuff done. I had forgotten what it was like to live in my mom's house where the dirty laundry actually gets washed and the dishes are washed before they hit the sink. It's a nice change.We took them out to the Salt Lick BBQ the other night for some real Texas que and it was great. I hadn't been there in 15 years and nothing had changed. Still the best meat around. As usual, Sam slept through the whole thing. Here are some pics:

Snip, Snip

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IMGP1784.jpgWhen Ben was eight days old he had a bris. The photo above is of him on the day of the ceremony being held by his great grandparents, Elmer and Lelah. When I was pregnant with him and we decided to have him circumcised it was not a really hard decision for me to make. It was important to Josh and I figured that every male I had known had survived it so how bad could it be? Once Ben was here in the flesh it was terrifying. I wanted to escape the morning of the ceremony with my son (who I figured had come out perfect just the way he was) so that I could keep him intact. I settled for leaving the room during the actual cutting part. All in all the pressure was relieved a bit by the fact that we had our friends and family present and that we had helped write the ceremony and had family and friends participating in the readings. So it really felt like we were welcoming Ben into the world. Sam's bris yesterday was not at all like Ben's and for that I mostly blame myself. When we had the sonogram where we found out Sam was a boy my heart sank a bit. Not because I didn't want to have another boy, but because I was hoping to avoid the whole circumcision decision. I knew that another bris was going to be unavoidable so I told Josh that he had to deal with the whole thing and that I didn't want to invite anyone etc. And now I wish I had made more of an effort to have people we have met here in Austin to come and celebrate Sam's arrival in some fashion rather than just survive the whole ordeal. It was unfair to Sam. I didn't even take a single photograph. If I had it to do over again I would make an effort to invite the people who have opened their hearts to us in Austin and to join us in celebrating this joyous new addition to our family. Even if I still had to leave the room.

First Love

first_love.jpgIt has been so hard since Sam was born to deal with the changes in my relationship with Ben. As Ben's primary caregiver since his birth we have always been really close. And now that Sam is here Ben has been watched primarily by other family members and by Josh and needing/wanting me less and less. Don't get me wrong. I LOVE that Josh and Ben are so close. But sometimes I hear the fun they are having downstairs while I am upstairs with Sam and I am envious. I feel like I am missing out on Ben's life right now. And although I know this is temporary it is still hard. As my first baby Ben will always hold a special place in my heart. He is going through such a tough stage right now (2 and a halfs) that he is either exasperating or ridiculously sweet. But he is also so much fun right now because you can have an actual conversation with him. And these past few nights when Josh and I are laying in bed with Ben and Josh is reading to him in his funny voices and I KNOW that I am experiencing a precious moment. THIS is what I want to hold on to. I just hope that when I am back to being on duty with Ben and Sam and tired and harried that I will remember the things I felt these past weeks about cherishing the moments instead of wishing them to wile themselves away.

Happy Birthday

xmas_68.jpgToday is my mommy's birthday. I wish you all the best in the coming year mom. xo b And yes that's me in the red velvet dress. I was a looker even then, wasn't I?

The Advent

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Sam was born last Thursday afternoon. We actually had an appointment for his birth. It was very surreal indeed. Josh and I dropped Ben at school and then headed for the hospital. Like any other normal day, but not. We get to the registration desk and I say something like "I am here to give birth" while having no contractions, no broken water, etc and feeling like an idiot. Like I am pretending to be pregnant and about to have a baby.They settle us in with our nurse. Yep, he was all ours until after delivery (nice touch) and he was this amazing guy named John. John was very funny (thank GOD) and an excellent caretaker. Then I met with the anesthesiologist (my newest best friend). He was a doctor right out of soap opera casting—mid-30's, all-American looking guy. As he was injecting the spinal I was staring down at my legs and thinking that I really should have shaved them before coming in. Then they put me on the table, in came Josh looking like Marcus Welby and off we went. Everything went smoothly until they tried to get Sam to come OUT. Saying he was reluctant is an understatement. It took three people, putting all their weight on my belly to push him out. This kid did not want to come into the world. He knew a good deal when he saw it and life in the womb is not a bad way to spend your days. All that pushing was making me need to vomit so I informed soap opera doctor that he should get a basin if he didn't want me depositing last night's dinner on the floor and he gave me a shot of something that stopped the nausea immediately. And I was thinking what a handy guy he would be to have around ALL the time. Finally they got him out and brought him to me and he was Ben's doppelganger. It was almost eerie. As if I was living in the movie "Groundhog Day" and reliving Ben's birth again (except that this time the drugs did not make me shake). So I went to recvoery and Josh went to the nursery with Sam and John the perfect nurse brought me crushed ice and it might as well have been ice cream for how happy I was to have it. Then they settled us in our room and the next twelve hours were pretty blissful. Until I had to have the catheter out and actually get UP to go to the bathroom and once the killer pain drugs wore off. Then reality hit.

Sam I Am

_MG_3722.jpgBaby boy #2 has finally arrived. Samuel Avram made his debut on September 6th weighing in at 8 pounds, 6 ounces and 20.5 inches in length. His mother is too wiped out to give her full report, but you can see more pics of the new babe here.

Baby Coming

_MG_3514.jpgHere is a pic I took today of Ben and his friend Sophie pretending to drive the car. It is one of their favorite things to do. Ben has no idea that tomorrow his world and ours will be turned upside down when his baby brother arrives via c-section. Not to mention his baby brother's surprise at having his nice, warm sleeping place interrupted by people wearing ugly green scrubs. What an awakening! I must admit that I am actually looking forward to going to the hospital just so I can have some rest. And you can bet that baby is sleeping in the nursery with all those nice nurses to tend to him so that mom can get some shut eye before the real hell of sleep deprivation kicks in. At 40 I feel way too old to be doing this. I suppose that's why you're supposed to do this when you're younger. But I was never one to do things the 'right' way.

Mojo


_MG_3338_bw.jpg, originally uploaded by lazygirl.

Really and Truly

Ben really said this this morning in the car: "I'm tired. I want coffee." That's MY boy. Of course he had no idea what this meant, but I loved it anyway.Also, seen at Lowe's today: Texas Longhorn Crocs. Really and truly. I don't think we're in Kansas anymore Toto.

Mommy Love

_MG_3355_bw.jpgWe had another lovely evening with Melanie and Greyson and I just had to post this photo because it is such a great representation of their relationship.