This is the sweter I showed here. This is his first and probably only time wearing it since the next time I put him in it, it will probably be too small.
Alot of Alliteration for an Anxious Anchorman
Once again I am watching Thomas the Tank Engine. They are playing a little memory game where it says something like "Percy puffs proudly out of the station carrying" and it starts with passengers and then adds on pineapples, a piano and presents. So at this point I am so starved for any sort of intellectual stimulation that I start trying to come up with alliterative adjectives for each item. So I start with passengers: "Percy puffs proudly out of the station carrying . . . placid, plainitve passengers . . . and continue with . . . a precariously placed piano . . . preposterously prodigious pineapples . . and pompous, protruding presents." It's nice to know that you can still use your brain AND take care of children.Broadcast News is one of my favorite films. The writing is brilliant. If you haven't seen it in awhile give it a second look. The best line in the film is when Albert Brooks is watching William Hurt on television in his first stint as the network's anchor and says "That's a lot of alliteration for an anxious anchorman."
Off to a Spectacular Start
Josh left this morning for NY on a business trip. He will be gone until Friday. Yep. FRIDAY. I am DYING. I am THIS close to standing on a street corner with a sign that says 2 KIDS FOR FREE. Not only did my day sitter cancel AGAIN but I had been looking forward to a photographer's gathering I was scheduled to go to this evening that I had to cancel. Ugh! And now both kids are crying simultaneously. I don't know how people with twins do it. You get one down and the other pops up. I feel like all I do is change diapers and feed people. Between the kids and the dogs I smell poop all the time whether it's there or not.The worst thing is that when Josh finally returns from these business trips he is of course tired and spent, but as soon as he re-enters the house I RUN out the door and leave the kids behind. He might as well have been in Acapulco sunning himself as far as I am concerned. The poor guy called tonight and I was still so bitter from not being able to have my evening among professional adults that I could barely utter a kind word. He was telling me about his family dinner that night (his trip is to NY where his family lives) and I treated him like he was off to Paris with his mistress while I was stuck at home with the kids while we were starving and without electricity and water. Oh how COULD he? The NERVE of some people?!
There's Nothing Better than Pizza and TV
Sunday Morning
Ben and I went on our first Texas bike ride on Sunday. He still (barely) fits in his seat on the back of my bike so now that the weather is finally nice (aka not 95 and 95% humidity) we went on a spin. And guess where we rode to? Yep. Krispy Kreme for donuts. I didn't want my body to go into TOTAL shock. I figured I had to counterbalance the good effects of the bike ride with some fat and sugar. One would think that the donut conveyor belt with all the dripping glaze would turn me off but no way José. When we walked in the door the woman behind the counter held out two piping hot donuts and asked "free sample?" I then looked at her like "what's the catch?" No one gives away anything for free. But she was. I knew then that I had walked into heaven.
One Year Ago
Relationships
When I was still single and childless many of my oldest friends had children of their own. It made it difficult to keep up our friendships. I never really understood why these women couldn't have their children and keep their relationships the same. Now I understand perfectly. Or at least I understand my version of things.At the time I wanted my new mom friends to continue to be able to talk about silly gossipy things and about the films they had seen, the current political situation as well as the last issue of The New Yorker. I didn't yet know about baby brain. Now I do. Or at least I would if I could remember ANYTHING AT ALL. So now I struggle with trying to keep my old self and finding my way with a new lifestyle. I am so tired all the time now that it is hard to find the energy to keep up my relationships with other people, including my marriage. Once the kids are in bed and settled I have about an hour to myself to do laundry and dishes and clean up hurricane Ben that passed through the house earlier that day. And I KNOW I should call or email my friends. That I should reach out and try to escape the isolation I feel being with the kids so much or working at home by myself. But all I want to do is grab the Ben and Jerry's and head for the bed and the latest chick novel I bought at Costco. And I realize that this sounds funny but speaking to my friends back in California makes me feel even worse sometimes. It's as if I don't keep in touch then their lives are not continuing without me. I can fool myself into thinking they have all frozen in time and are just waiting for me to come back and visit before they unfreeze themselves and we pick up right where we left off. But this reasoning, besides being ridiculously faulty, does not serve my friendships well. I can only hope that this will all get better as the kids get older. That I will have more time to devote to myself and the friends that I care about most. And that they will be patient and wait for me.
Tucker Getting Pets
The Great Diet Pepsi Debacle of 2007
Yesterday was tough. Not only did I not get enough sleep but I also ran out of Diet Pepsi. For years I was addicted to the stuff but beat the habit when I lived in France and it was not readily available. For many years I have been DP sober until recently. I am off the wagon big time. Now I am buying it 36 cans at a time at Costco. When I ran out I decided it would be a good time to quit. This was about the same time as the end of Halloween (aka big time candy withdraw). Needless to say I woke up with a WICKED headache on Friday morning that not even a large latte would fix. I made it about six hours before I HAD to go to HEB for the DP fix. Sad, sad, sad.So today I tried to start counteracting all these bad things I have been putting into my body by joining the Y and swimming. It felt great to exercise again after such a long absence. And I think swimming is probably the best exercise for lactating women because no one can tell if your milk is leaking. The chlorinated water probably tastes funnier with breast milk floating in it, but I doubt anyone is swallowing the pool water. Or at least I hope not.
Growing Bigger Every Day
Natalie
One of my favorite people in Austin is a 3 1/2 year old named Natalie. She is such an amazing little girl. This kid is going to go places and I can say I knew her when. She LOVES Sam and loves to hold him and as you can see above, the feeling is mutual.
Trick or Treat
in portraits
This was Ben's first year trick-or-treating. He didn't really get the concept. He kept trying to take his costume off and he insisted I carry him. After carrying his 40 pound body to 5 houses I told him we would have to quit. I was sweating like a pig. Welcome to Halloween in Texas. But I think he got more pleasure from holding the candy bowl at our house when the other kids came by anyway.
Guess
Guess which one is Ben and which is Sam. No. Seriously. Guess. Because I have no idea.
Oh SO Perfect
From this week's New Yorker:
Survival Part II
So here's a quick day update. It's 4:47 pm and my child has watched tv ALL day. I put Ben down for a nap that he didn't want and refused to take so I put my earplugs in so I couldn't hear both babies crying. I am going to hell. And I am still in my stinky sweats and haven't showered or brushed any hair or teeth. And if Ben asks one more time what I am doing I am going to LOSE IT! AND I have found two wasps in the house today. WASPS!! UGH!! I have used more exclamation points in this post than I have in my whole life.Nice to know I am not alone. An what am I going to do when the kids get here for trick or treating and I have to tell them that I ate all their candy?
One Year Ago
How DOES This Thing Work?!
Survival
It is now 9:55am on a Wednesday morning. Our sitter is sick and I am stuck with the kids ALL day. I have NO idea how I am going to make it until Josh gets home at 6:00 tonight. Sam kept me up most of the night and all I want to do is go back to bed ALONE. That's one thing I love about dogs. You can always put them in a crate if you need time to yourself. I think CPS would look at me askance if I put the kids in crates and went out for a few hours.I really don't know how SAH parents do it. I love my children but I don't want to spend all day toting them around to the park or play trains on the floor. I want to read a book with no pictures and not hear the baby crying, wanting my boob in his mouth EVERY time he is awake. I know I sound heartless but I am not. I love Ben and Sam so much that sometimes it hurts. But I am SUCH a better parent when I am not with them ALL the time. If you can't understand where I am coming from, then I'm sorry. If you do, then PLEASE HELP ME GET THROUGH THIS DAY.
Catch Me If You Can
Potty Mouth AND Ears
I will be the first to admit that I have always had a real potty mouth. And motherhood has done little to lessen it. But now I also have potty ears. Almost every time Ben says something I can't understand it sounds like he is swearing. Like this morning when he asked where I was and I answered "the kitchen." He then said something totally unintelligible but sounded to me just like he had said "What are you doing in the f@#king kitchen?"